I'm Going Home

This is the second time I'm going home from the States..

It's been just 8 months since my last trip.. But it feels like it's been ages..

This flight will be my last as Bachelor.. Here's to a new life with new experiences..

Hope things are better than ever..

:)

Cheers.. (Just a presonal blog..)

Rahul..

Relationships. Perspectives. Life.

What's Life?

Life is nothing but a convoluted series of relationships, perspectives and experiences that a person has during his or her existence in this world.

I have asked this question so many times. Every time I ask this question, I am either sad or contemplative. I have not once asked this question when I am happy or things are going well.
I guess it is the nature of human existence. We look back and question things in life only when we aren't completely satisfied or we feel something is missing in life.

What are the relationships that define your life? What the the relationships that make you happy or excited. Is it when you are talking to you special someone? Is it when your boss appreciates the work that you do? Or is it when you are with your family and friends and things just feel so comfortable. I guess, it's all of them. When they all add up, Life feels full and happy and fulfilled. I guess that is when they say the Sum of the parts is bigger than the whole.

So, what happens when one part goes missing, or is difficult to find? Do you look for that one part? Try and find out what it is that is you need to make you happy? Or compensate with the things that you have now in your life?

I guess it all depends on your overall state of mind. If you are happy and confident you go out and find that one or more things and make your life fulfilled. Or at times, you just go on the way you are, If you are not confident and you don't have the drive. That is when you get into a rut.

Live Life, find your missing pieces.. There will always be more to find. The more you do, the longer you keep the pieces you have in place intact, the better each day will be.

Guys - I know this blog is extremely abstract. It's just a pick me up. If you feel you need one. I hope this helps.

Rahul

Another Year.. Another Birthday

Hi Guys..

Been a few months since I've blogged.. Work's been a killer and well frankly, I have not had much to Blog about. Where are those days where I used to write almost every week.

Anyway, I had my birthday yesterday. I don't know, Didn't really feel like a birthday, Felt like any other normal day. Got up at 11 and went for a long drive in my car.. Oh yeah.. I never did mention that on my Blog. I bought my first Car.. A 2001 Honda Civic.. It's a cool car.. Silver Gray and looks clean.. Anyhow, the drive was cool.. Just drove around Dallas and came home. So, when I told my rommie's that it was my birthday the looks on their faces was something to behold. Nothing to really say.. [:)] ..

So that was my day.. And then hit the sack in the night so that I could work the next day..

Wow what a birthday.. [:P] .. (For those who don't realize it.. I'm being sarcastic) Where are those days where I was surrounded by my friends and the day just felt so damn special.

This was the last birthday of my Bachelorhood.. The next time I have a birthday I'll be a married man with Presi by my side.. [:)]..

Hey that's the first time I'm using her name in my Blog I think.. All these years it's been My better half, my love or my girlfriend.. [:)]..

So by the way, I started my Birthday with "Batman - The Dark Knight". I'll be reviewing the movie shortly.. Look out for that..

Cheers
Have a great time..
And thanks for reading..

Rahul..

Changing Life.. A Very Personal Blog.

Well. I'm looking forward to the rest of my life. Most of you who have read my blog, or those who know me know that I have been in a relationship with my better half for almost 4 years now. Both of us are going to take the next step soon and tie the knot. To be honest before the talks began, I was nervous about that phase of my life, but the day it became official, I felt it was the most natural thing to happen... I was so happy when things started falling in place. This blog, is just me trying to put the big smile on my face into words.

Looking back on my life, I have gone through a lot over the last 8 years, I have completely changed as a person. The once introverted, nervous, awkward guy who had no self confidence, one who did not know what he wanted to do with the rest of his life has changed into a very different person. I feel I'm more confident in what I do, although I'm still a bit awkward, I atleast more comfortable with me as a person. I never knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, careerwise.. I don't think I still know. But, I like what I do. I like taking the challenges on. I always wanted to write and I think this Blog, however infrequent it maybe, gives the outlet to the artistic urge.

When she came into my life, I was at a crossroads, I might have become a loner again, or got knows what.. But, what actually ensued was the most wonderful time of my life. We have been through a lot together, and have grown up together and now finally, We move our relationship one step further.. And the date is now fixed for the rest of our lives together to begin.

I've changed and grown a lot over the last few years, from a boy who was drifting aimlessly to a man who is able to envision the rest of his life together with the girl he loves.

Cheers..

Rahul

Blog on : 11th April 2008. Posting it only today.

Loneliness is a strange feeling.

It’s been a year since I left home. A year since I started this new life, this new phase of my career. But this year has brought with it a lot of hurt as well. But, I have also had the opportunity to grow as a person, to find my confidence again, to become an independent man. I’m writing this while I’m in the aircraft going home, Yipee Yahoo.. Finally..

I never did think that this would be so hard on me. Walking into a restaurant alone. Eating alone, living each day with a longing to call her again. I don’t know if she felt te same, the loneliness, I mean.. I was hard on her, I know that. I really don’t know what these few weeks have in store for me.

My parents are completing a Quarter Century together. Wow. Through it all they have held on. To tell the truth, I was scared to leave home. I was so scared. I thought there was nothing left there for them. I’m so happy I’ve been proved wrong. I’m so happy they are still with each other.

My sister is getting married. Wow, it’s been such a long time. Time flies by. I’ve known her now for over 6 years. She is one of the most important people to me in this world and is more family to me than anyone else around. The way she talks, the way she laughs, the way she listens, it’s a friendship beyond compare. She’s always been there for me. Through the thick and the thin.

But when I feel lonely, it’s mostly because of her. The girl whose eyes captivated me the day I looked at her. The one, who by her shear presence in my life, makes it more lovely. Our relationship has gone very specific phases, the year of friendship and courtship, the year we professed our love, the year we told our parents and the year I left home. It pains me that I put her through this, I find it very difficult to put in words my feeling for her. She is a friend, a confidant, a love, a hope, a beauty, my drive, really don’t know. What I do know is that I want to meet her and rekindle the flames that have been put on Ice by this year away.

Just A Month to Go! :)

I'll be going home... In one month's time..

I'm really looking forward to my vacation. It's been a year since I left and I am excited to be going home for a holiday. I missed my family, friends and my esp. my special someone. Never did think one year ago that I would miss them so much.

I know now, why they say. "There's No Place Like Home"

Many a person has asked me if there a special occasion for me going home now. Well, all I say is, I hope so. It's been almost 4 years since this phase of my life started, and I think it's time to take it to the next level. Also, it's my parents 25th wedding anniversary. So, I had to be home for that.


I am really looking forward to April 11th, the day I go home.

PS : Just a personal Blog. If it sounds cryptic, well that's the way I wanted it to be. If you know me, you know what I am talking about. :)

Have a great weekend

Rahul

Happy New year - About me I guess.

Well Hello 2008.. Hope you have a lot of good stuff in store for everyone this year..

This blog is just 'caus, it has been quite a long time since I said anything much n my blog. I have been going to Work, coming home, cooking, eating, watching videos and sleeping. But all it took was a few days without talking to a certain someone for me to realize how much those few minutes matter to me. They take me through a whole day. And now that have made my plans to fly home for a couple of weeks in April, everyday has become a counter of when I am back in Chennai and see the people I love.

I guess it gives me strength talking the people I love.. Re energizes me!!

I have always been a home-body a person who feels most at home, most complete when I am with the people I love and the people I care for.. I am full of life and am at my best when I know who I am. My life is so simple, atleast it appears so. But I guess it's quite simple.. I am all about giving my all to everything I do. Love or work. What you see is what you get. At times maybe people feel I am over enthusiastic.. I feel that sometimes myself, but I think it's better being that way, instead of being negative of the day and the work ahead of you. Doing it with love gives you the ability to do it well. That's what I think anyway.




Well a beautiful song to cap off how I am feeling right now..

Chill out........

Rahul

Mood : Missing someone..

Happy New Year Everyone..

I Know many of my blogs have dealt with how I feel Chennai rocks compared to Irving.. But really have had a lot of good times here, So I made this video chronicling all the birthday celebrations that we have had here.. They are some good times, so I thought I'd blog share it on my blog as well..



2007 Was good.. Hopefully 2008 will be great

Rahul

Probably my last blog of the year.. -- Random Musing

Hmm..

Well I've been quite moody lately.. Don't know what's going on but, well have been snapping at people more than normal... Have been a lot more on edge.. Well, I guess it happens from time to time...

There are times when I feel a lot less moody and am quite Sociable, this is one of those moments I guess, 'caus I'm taking the time to write this blog.. There have been a few people I have snapped at over the last few days.. Not really their fault.. I've noticed one fact about me when I'm in this state.. I either tend to get a lot of work done or do absolutely nothing, just sleep.. Man, I'm a guy of extremes..

Well the New year is on our head.. I started this year with a huge revelation to my folks and a few weeks of sheer torture before the dust started to settle and there was not hiding anymore.. But then before I knew it I was on a flight to the US of A. To a new world with new experiences and well, I'm not really embarrassed to say it but, yeah, I did shed a few tears on that flight, in that airport.. I was leaving behind everyone in my life who meant anything to me.. If you read my blog you know by now who I am talking about.. My family.. My girl, my sis, my folks and a few close friends.. I don't know, feels like I've been here so long, but it's just been 8 1/2 months...

I thought I'd adjust to this world quite easily.. Little did I realize just how much I would miss a certain someone.. Well, thank God for calling cards.. They are a life saver... And now, all I am looking forward to is April, when I go home for 2 weeks to see everyone and to name certain relationships and etch them in stone forever and ever.

Well world.. Wish your 2007 was fruitful.. Hope 2008 is a great year.. Happy New Year!

Chill and Take care..

Rahul..

Generations - The Eternal Conflict

Many years ago I drew this picture...

This picture symbolizes the eternal conflict I have with my Dad. Well It's not a picture to say we don't get along. I guess it is one which says we always have different points of view.

As a child, I grew up in awe of my Dad, he is a brilliant man, someone whom anyone can look up to. Seeing my dad come up in his career, well that story is inspirational.

I have never wanted to enter my father's chosen career path, I have not wanted that life, but one thing that I do want to be like him is the work ethic, the way he has come up in life, with his own two hands. I want that for me too. I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life.. Maybe I still don't, But I have now reached a stage where I feel like I enjoy what I do, my job, though it may have it's ups and downs, though it may have the occasional day when I wonder what the hell is this. I really love it, and there is one thing that my dad taught me. Put in an honest day's work, when you put your head on the pillow in the night, if you have you will sleep well.

Over the years as I have grown up. I am in the 24th year of my life. I am no child any more. No one would say that. But some where, at some level, the fear of my father still exists. The eternal need for his approval, wanting to prove to him that I am capable of making something of myself.

Well, I am not sure if I am anywhere close to the goal of proving to him that I am capable, and that I can take good decisions in my life and in my own way be a success one day. But, I feel, I am at a stage where I should be able to talk to him openly about what I feel, what I want from my life, because, at the end of the day it is my life.. I need to live by my choices, Right or Wrong, mine to make.

This fear, so deep seeded that anything I ever wanted to tell my dad was through a letter, I never could speak to him. My weapon has been silence, I have used it so many times in my life, it comes to me too naturally. Silence though is wrong. the Silent form of protest is torture for the ones you love. I guess even though when I put my hand on a keyboard or a pen the words flow through, the conversations that matter never seem to leave my lips.
I'm no child anymore, I'm in love, i have been for many years now, I'm working, I'm a professional, I respect people I work with and I get the same in return as well. But, in front of Dad, I still sometimes feel like a child, and sometimes still throw my silent tantrum.


Well the reason I started writing this blog was to tell myself a few things. I'm not a kid anymore and I should stand up and say what I feel. I respect and admire my Dad a lot for what he has achieved in his life, but that is no reason for me to be scared of him. It's my life, I have to live it, and maybe make some of my own mistakes.

But, this blog has ended up more as a very personal account of my relationship with my father. A man I love, respect and admire, a man I need to learn not to fear, but to trust. I love my dad, I don't say it very often, It's true. This is a really new blog for me, never have I spoken about how I feel when I comes to my parents. They are my world.

Rahul.

Pick Me Up..

Over the years, when I've felt really down in the dumps, when I've felt really confused.. Not really sure what life is about or what I'm doing with mine, there has been one song that has lit up my day and brought a smile to my face.

Through these years I have been very possessive about this song. I have let only a few of my close friends and some of my relatives listen to it while I tell them what it means to me. I know that sounds silly. How can you be possessive about a published lyric, a song that's not yours. But this song, is a story of most of our lives. There are parts of this song we can all relate to. I felt today that this is something everyone should listen to a few times in their lives. So what I am doing here is 2 fold.

This is the song :



These are the lyrics (These are from my friends Blog, Natty) :

http://ennangal-ezhuthanal.blogspot.com/2007/10/well-make-it-through.html

If ever you feel down or you feel you don't know where your life is headed, don't fret, all of us go through that from time to time. Me well I feel it quite often.

This song delivers a few truths in a manner that you would actually listen. But my advice. If you really want the most out of this song. SING ALONG. You'll pick up the lyrics on this one faster than you can imagine.

Trust me on this one. This song is a must hear for everyone. At least twice.


Rahul ..

Rahul's Blah - Really Don't Know what to Call this Blog... Too Many things in One..

Topics in my blog have ranged from the Mundane to the Thought provoking to the Really Really Personal.

I have been an on and off blogger for over two years now. When I discovered this medium of communication, I found for myself an outlet to one of my favorite pass times. I love to write. No matter what it is about. The subject matter more often than not has reflected my mood at the current time. Of course I know my writing at times seems to ramble on with out getting to the point, but that has more to do with the flow of thoughts in my mind than the actual inability to write.

Over the years I must have tried to maintain a diary (Unsuccessfully) documenting the tings that have happened in my life. I used to write in my diary for a few weeks or a best months and then I would slack off and completely forget that I ever had one. Then sometime down the road the urge would be back to write, to log my thoughts and feelings and it would be back a New diary with new new events.

This stop and start nature has continued with my blog as well. But it has been the longest I have ever kept up with anything to do with writing that I have started.
Blogging in a sense gives me this strange kind of release where I know I might be read one day or the next and it not being written for no one to ever see again.

The possibility is always there that what I have written gets read by those close to me and they know what I am feeling and how I am doing. I remember one such blog that provoked quite a strong reaction once.

But then I have to say, Rahul on the blog world is Anonymous, on most occasions Posts here are not things I discuss while I am not on my blog. In a sense it is a release a way for me to share my thoughts and feelings.

I love comments, I love responses. I like most people like to know that others read my blog. But like most journals, my online journal seems to be quite repetitive in a sense. Moods and feelings that come and go, when documented all seem to similar.

Although I have been blogging for a long time now, I have started reading blogs only off late. I find that a lot of us find that our blogs give us the easiest ways to vent our feelings. Not too many of us actually publicize our blogs, of course we make it known that we have one and it is open for all to see. Reading certain blogs at times makes me feel so close to friends I have not met in a long time or even those that I do not know very well. I has reinforced a lot of friendships for me.

The frequency of my blogs has increased exponentially since I have come to U.S.A. Well I guess the reason for that is quite simple. I was surrounded by the people I love back home and other than the odd instance or thought that really captured my imagination that I felt needed to be blogged I hardly ever did. I would start of every 3rd or 4th blog with . Wow it's been a while... But here, it is my way to keep in touch with friends and family, for people I know to hear my thoughts and perhaps hear my voice in these words.

Sentimental I know, but that's who I am a Cancerian through and through, I an really attached to my love, my family and my friends. Keeping in touch has never seemed out of my mind.

Today I am blogging only because I wanted to write. I put my fingers on the keyboard and what ever is coming out is from my heart. I know it is tough to give this particular blog a subject as it seems to cover a whole gambit of thoughts. Well I guess it's all about Rahul's Blah...

An Ode to My Love

When She cries, the heavens cry too.

When She's sad, my heart breaks in two.

Her sadness brings pain to my heart.

To make her smile becomes a purpose for me.

I try and I try till my tongue and my eyes can say no more,

But but her eyes say more with every tear than my words can ever say.

I wish I had the power to take away all her sadness and replace it with Joy.

I wish I had the power to make her smile.

To see her smile makes my day, to hear her laugh would take my breath away.

I wish for her to be happy always. To be the best that she can be and make my days for eternity.

Hello World

This is the most common first program that anyone learning a new software writes..

It's an initiation into the language and the structure of that language..

BUT.......

This blog is not about Software..

It's about Me.

A bored Software Engineer who just felt like saying "Hello World".

So What's been happening in my life...

Well nothing much really.. I was insanely busy over the last month and frankly I couldn't think of anything to write about. But now I am sitting idle.. I'm in between assignments and I felt it is the right time to write a blog...

I never did realize how working becomes a part and parcel of your day to day activities..



It's only when you sit back and have nothing to do for a few days do you realize how cool it is to go to work everyday and do something all day long..

Not giving your self more than a few minutes every now and again to relax and just spending the day with colleagues/co-workers and friends..

I guess enjoy work or not.. We all love Work at some level. There is no way we can get through day after day if we did not. I we don't like what we do, we learn to like it.. Well I never did think when I started out on this line of work that I would like it at all. Now 2 years down the line.. When I get my first chance to sit back and think about it I realize that I actually enjoy the challenge. Be it the coding, be it the calls, be it the design sessions.. I enjoy it all.. We all somewhere along the way find something that we love in our jobs even if there is a lot that we hate..


I never pictured myself as a guy who would be singing the praises about working. But well I guess I surprise myself at times..

Chill Guys...

Cya..

Friends...

There are so many people, who touch your life in so many different ways,

When you sit back and think about it..

It makes your day..

The friends through the years, the friends who where there when you needed one..

The friends who are in different parts of the world now but their friendship and memory still brings a smile to your face..

They are your friends..

They are priceless..

This blog is dedicated to Friendship...

Treasure your friends..

They will be there for you even when they are not around..

Sit back and think for a while...

Remember your friends...

Remember your times together...

Here's to Friendship

Rahul...

Another Year.. Another Birthday

Well.. I guess it's Happy Birthday to me..

Another Year another birthday.. Well this year, far away from home it was well a different day..

My birthdays have always been a special day to me. And maybe so because of my family and friends around me. Moreover the last few years, well my birthdays have been wonderful.

This year has been a polar opposite of my birthdays of the past. This year despite my friends trying their very best to make my day special, there was something missing, my family...

Well happy birthday to me. Looking forward to many more birthdays with family around..

Man I sound depressed. My Girl's gonna be so upset when she reads this. Well this is how I feel..
I miss them all.. I miss my Family. I know this is the first time I have been man enough to admit on my Blog, but well that's the fact..

Rahul......

Well It's been a month Since my Last Blog.. I've had a few drafts since then, but have not had the time to work on them.

So here's a blog just to fill some air time

The Flight

This is a Video of US trying some insane stunts at Six Flags over Texas. It was gr8 Fun, The video is a Month old as well. So you can see.. I've not really done much since..


Chill Out...


Rahul

When Yesterday was better than Today.

Well a friend once told me,

"The Day you think you yesterdays are better than your todays,
It time for you to do something about it. To make you todays just as good"

Well, I did do something about it 6 years ago. I changed my life, I made my Todays, my only day. I lived for the day. I took each day as it came. I made some great friends and I completely changed as a person. There was nothing that I wanted at that time but make my life different.

That was a stage in my life where I wanted a fresh slate, and to my good fortune I got it. I might have taken it a bit far. And like one of my best friends once said, I developed a new trait, a need to prove myself. To show what I am made of. To show I am good. Something which i didn't really need to do.

Over those 6 years I matured as a person, I overcame a lot of my insecurities and made a lot of great friends. I also learned a lot about people and relationships along the way. I might have as a result become a little less trusting of all people, but very trusting of others. It's a trait I have noticed in myself over the years. I tend to take people at face value a lot. Maybe that's my nature, I am what you get, good or bad, but that's not how the world works, and I am learning that the hard way. I went from a boy out of school, to the guy I am today but my nature has not changed much, I am trusting, angry, loving, honest(at least to myself) and try to be happy.

I have always tried to smile, No matter what, I have tried to smile, when I am feeling down I look in the mirror and give myself a big bright smile, I perks me up a bit. As a result I may get pushed around a bit, not everyone takes me seriously, but this is not a trait I really want to get rid off.

I met someone along the way, that someone changed my life. She has been my emotional support, a friend, a sister, she has always been there for me, through the thick and the thin. She has been wonderful.

And then there was that girl, she came into my life and my life that was taking it's second downward turn and she turned it right back up. I fell in love. She is the most loving person I ever met and I find it really difficult to express any feeling about her. She's my world.

Through all my years, I had taken 2 people for granted. My Parents. They were always there when I needed them and I never thought twice to ask them for help. Their influence over my life is profound to say the least. Over the last few years I have come to see my folks in many lights, but I wont go over that online. Let's just say they mean the world to me.

There have been those friends, who have always told me the truth no matter what, friends who have been my listening posts for years, My friends who take me for what I am, and don't try and change me.

Well, Is this blog making any sense?

Did you notice anything strange about the tense of the entire blog?

Yes, it's in past tense. I am in a new world now and I find my self back where I started, and I remember the line my friend told me that day,

"The Day you think you yesterdays are better than your todays,
It time for you to do something about it. To make you todays just as good"

Well this time around, I am not going to change anything about me or my life.

I am in a new phase of my life.

A phase where my past influences still exist and I very much want them to be a part of my life. My Love, My parents, My sister, my best friends.

But this phase is about me.

This is going to be about how I take my yesterdays and still make them a part of my todays, even though most of my yesterdays are half way across the globe.

These todays are going to be about how I take my life forward, without leaving my past behind.
In a world where work seems to be everything, I need to strike a balance between, Life and Life at work....

My need to prove myself is showing it's face at work and that I am sure can be tapped to get the best out of me.

Well yes, today my yesterdays seem wonderful, but my todays don't seem to bad either. I just need to strike a balance. A way to make my Yesterday a part of my today.

Rahul..

Smitten

We have all been smitten, Or so we think. To be Smitten with love is quite something else.

Websters defines smitten as "strongly and suddenly affected".

Our first crush, or our second... Oh how we thought that was it that was the real thing. But then comes along that one person. That one person that makes you feel indescribable. That one person whose presence in a room livens up your day. A person whose voice makes you happy.

When you just met her and you are on your way home afterwards, and you start missing her at once. You know you are Smitten.

You miss her when you are in a huge group of your good friends, You know you are smitten.

When you are with her in a crowd and you can see only her, you know you are smitten.

When you are miles apart and you feel like a part of your heart has been ripped out. You know you are smitten.



When you feel incomplete without her. You are smitten.

You are smitten with Love. You are helpless to do anything about it. You are hers. And if you are lucky.. She is yours too..

Oh what a feeling it is to be Smitten. To be in Love.

To be in love for so many years, to write something like this after so long, to feel the intensity in your heart when you are writing it shows the power of love, the power of true Love.

A thought of a word, produced a blog, the fingers on the keyboard evoked emotions and emotions brought out my love in words. That's being Smitten.


Rahul..

I,Me, Myself

The Various Faces Of Me.




















To change my appearance with one single shave is something that everyone I know, knows about me. It is a trait that I love to use. To apply the Shock Treatment like I call it. Great fun. The Fun in changing my appearance and in a fresh feelin and outlook in life. Feeling energized and all set to look at life anew for a while atleast. Well Jus a blog to show this aspect of me.

Chill out........


Rahul